The Searching
Nowadays i am scared to do stuff. All this while although i knew the way the world thinks or does things is not always how you predict it to or how you want it to, I juxtaposed along. But recent happenings made my fears come true and my thoughts are wavering.
I had this thinking - thats the way it is or thats how its supposed to be. I used to tell myself "Don't confuse too much, it's obvious"
I am scared to do stuff which i want to or which i feel like or which i think its fine to be done. Maybe i think too much about stuff thats not even necessary well i can't help it. It's just the way people are.
Lately i am afraid to talk to people. I am afraid to tell them things. I am afraid to ask favors or return favors. I am afraid to call them up. I am scared to be with them. I am scared to see them. I am just scared of everything because there was this one time when i took things for granted and was waving along when things happened in a different way altogether. I don't blame anybody except myself. It's not that i don't trust people nor am i telling you to trust no one, but don't trust anybody more than you. There is this point or level where in somebody can understand you but never more than that. The greatest mistake is to expect somebody to surpass that point.
I never realized the things i did naturally was a menace and that it instilled thoughts which were out of my character. Now i know.
The things i have learned; that people can go a long way more than you think they possibly can. The same person who understands you can never understand you. The same person who knows you more than anything else can never know you. And the same person who was with you and wanted to be with you will never be with you and never want to be with you.
When i think from my side i sometimes wonder, are people thoughtless? Or do they think and just not do anything about it. Have their minds changed to stone? or Is hatred filled in them? or Is there nobody around them to make them realize?
I live by more troubled than before. The reason being simple - I doubt myself. I doubt my character and my emotions. I wonder if its true. I wonder if its really me.
I also wonder why me.
I am bemused - AM I A GOOD HUMAN?
I don't know how people feel when somebody hates them. I like not to think about it and act as if i am not bothered or ignoring it but it hits me all the time. Somebody actually hates me and I don't even know how it happened. Each day i conclude saying i did nothing wrong. Maybe a thought to make myself feel good.
Inside my heart i am still searching.
I had this thinking - thats the way it is or thats how its supposed to be. I used to tell myself "Don't confuse too much, it's obvious"
I am scared to do stuff which i want to or which i feel like or which i think its fine to be done. Maybe i think too much about stuff thats not even necessary well i can't help it. It's just the way people are.
Lately i am afraid to talk to people. I am afraid to tell them things. I am afraid to ask favors or return favors. I am afraid to call them up. I am scared to be with them. I am scared to see them. I am just scared of everything because there was this one time when i took things for granted and was waving along when things happened in a different way altogether. I don't blame anybody except myself. It's not that i don't trust people nor am i telling you to trust no one, but don't trust anybody more than you. There is this point or level where in somebody can understand you but never more than that. The greatest mistake is to expect somebody to surpass that point.
I never realized the things i did naturally was a menace and that it instilled thoughts which were out of my character. Now i know.
The things i have learned; that people can go a long way more than you think they possibly can. The same person who understands you can never understand you. The same person who knows you more than anything else can never know you. And the same person who was with you and wanted to be with you will never be with you and never want to be with you.
When i think from my side i sometimes wonder, are people thoughtless? Or do they think and just not do anything about it. Have their minds changed to stone? or Is hatred filled in them? or Is there nobody around them to make them realize?
I live by more troubled than before. The reason being simple - I doubt myself. I doubt my character and my emotions. I wonder if its true. I wonder if its really me.
I also wonder why me.
I am bemused - AM I A GOOD HUMAN?
I don't know how people feel when somebody hates them. I like not to think about it and act as if i am not bothered or ignoring it but it hits me all the time. Somebody actually hates me and I don't even know how it happened. Each day i conclude saying i did nothing wrong. Maybe a thought to make myself feel good.
Inside my heart i am still searching.
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